The (Un)Sanctity of Marriage (part 2)
So now that I've discussed Rule 1, I'll go ahead and give my two cents about Rules 2 and 3. In case you've forgotten, I'll restate the Rules before beginning.
Rule 1: Dating someone for a month (or even three or four) is not sufficient time to have decided that you're gonna marry that person and to start planning your wedding.
Rule 2: Marrying the first person you date out of high school or even anyone you date before you're at least twenty is usually stupid (not always).
Rule 3: Having your wedding planned before you're even "engaged" is a mockery.
#oynaf
So discussing Rule 2 is a little trickier because it's not as black and white to me as Rule 1 is, so let me paint you a little picture. In high school I dated a great guy for about eight or nine months; he was two years older than me, and he left on a mission half way through my junior year. We wrote back and forth, I dated other people, he came home, we went on a date, we went our separate ways. Now this guy is really awesome—kind, respectful, fun—and I'm sure we could have been happy together, but people change a lot after high school and in college. This guy and I could have gotten married and could have been happy, but I would have stayed the same person forever. People who get married right out of high school to either someone they dated in high school or the first person they meet after high school are confining themselves to be the same person for the rest of their lives. Going to college and being on your own change people. Not to sound cheesy, but it gives you the chance to "find yourself." If you've lived in the same place your whole life, surrounded by the same people, you've never had a chance to explore different sides of yourself or get in touch with hidden passions or interests. If I had married this great guy, I would have never done things that have made me the person I am today; I would still be living in Idaho, probably with a baby, not achieving any of my goals or dreams.
Now I know that this isn't applicable to everyone who gets married young, and sometimes if it is, it's because that's what they want; that is their dream. But I still think it is so important to be on your own for a while after high school to really become the person you want to be for the rest of your life. Especially because as you "grow up" in those first few years after high school, what you want changes pretty drastically, and if you're already married, it will be too late to decide that you want something different than what you thought you did in high school. Give yourself a chance to grow up before you get married.
Now for Rule 3. Breaking this rule drive me ab.so.lute.ly. crazy. I don't know how society got to the point where they think that being engaged means having a ring on your finger and nothing else, but they're wrong. According to Merriam-Webster, "engaged" means that two people are "promised to be married." So that means that as soon as two people decide that they are going to get married, they're engaged. Period. It doesn't matter if there is a ring on someone's finger or not, they're engaged. So it drives me out of my senses when people have their whole wedding already planned, yet they still have some cutesy proposal and tell everyone that they are then engaged. Let me say it again: ring ≠ engaged. Deciding to get married = engaged. And when I ask people why they bother with a proposal if they already know they're getting married, they say something like, "it's the principle of it" or "it's tradition." No. No. No. No. No. The actual principle of a PROPOSal is to PROPOSE the prospect of marriage...I know, who would have guessed; it's not like that's the exact definition of the word or anything. So basically you're making a joke of the proposal by not actually proposing anything and just doing it to set up a nice Facebook post for your friends.
And people say, "Well I'm not gonna spend all that money on a ring if there's a chance she will say no." To which I say, "Well maybe if you would date longer than two months, you'd feel more certain about your relationship and where it's heading." These rules go together. The reason people feel the need to decide to get married before proposing is because they've only been dating for a week and a half, and they know that that's absolutely insane, so they need to make sure the other person is also certifiably crazy before they fork out some thousands of dollars on an engagement ring. I also just think people are becoming cowards and don't know how to take risks without knowing the outcome. So stop being babies. Of course you can talk about marriage before getting engaged, but if you have agreed that you are definitely getting married, set a date, made plans, or anything like this, you're engaged. So after that, don't fill my feed with some ridiculous fake proposal that has zero emotion in it because both people already knew they were getting married and don't expect me to be all excited when you show me a ring on your finger even though you've really been engaged for a month already. #oynaf
Maybe I'm just a traditionalist when it comes to this, but if a guy gets down on one knee with a ring, I want to feel the excitement, the love, the overwhelming joy, the surprise; I don't want to smile because my already fiancé is presenting me with a gift, because that's what it is, a gift presented on one knee. If I know we're getting married, it's no longer a proposal, he's not proposing anything, it's a presentation, he's presenting me with a diamond ring. So any emotion I would have would be purely about getting a fancy ring.
And if you're worried about planning the wedding, here's an idea: maybe you could be engaged for longer than a month. Or make a Pinterest board, then you can have your whole wedding planned before you even start dating someone. Problem solved. You're welcome.
Well there you have it. Those are (some of) my thoughts on marriage.
Rule 1: Dating someone for a month (or even three or four) is not sufficient time to have decided that you're gonna marry that person and to start planning your wedding.
Rule 2: Marrying the first person you date out of high school or even anyone you date before you're at least twenty is usually stupid (not always).
Rule 3: Having your wedding planned before you're even "engaged" is a mockery.
#oynaf
So discussing Rule 2 is a little trickier because it's not as black and white to me as Rule 1 is, so let me paint you a little picture. In high school I dated a great guy for about eight or nine months; he was two years older than me, and he left on a mission half way through my junior year. We wrote back and forth, I dated other people, he came home, we went on a date, we went our separate ways. Now this guy is really awesome—kind, respectful, fun—and I'm sure we could have been happy together, but people change a lot after high school and in college. This guy and I could have gotten married and could have been happy, but I would have stayed the same person forever. People who get married right out of high school to either someone they dated in high school or the first person they meet after high school are confining themselves to be the same person for the rest of their lives. Going to college and being on your own change people. Not to sound cheesy, but it gives you the chance to "find yourself." If you've lived in the same place your whole life, surrounded by the same people, you've never had a chance to explore different sides of yourself or get in touch with hidden passions or interests. If I had married this great guy, I would have never done things that have made me the person I am today; I would still be living in Idaho, probably with a baby, not achieving any of my goals or dreams.
Now I know that this isn't applicable to everyone who gets married young, and sometimes if it is, it's because that's what they want; that is their dream. But I still think it is so important to be on your own for a while after high school to really become the person you want to be for the rest of your life. Especially because as you "grow up" in those first few years after high school, what you want changes pretty drastically, and if you're already married, it will be too late to decide that you want something different than what you thought you did in high school. Give yourself a chance to grow up before you get married.
Now for Rule 3. Breaking this rule drive me ab.so.lute.ly. crazy. I don't know how society got to the point where they think that being engaged means having a ring on your finger and nothing else, but they're wrong. According to Merriam-Webster, "engaged" means that two people are "promised to be married." So that means that as soon as two people decide that they are going to get married, they're engaged. Period. It doesn't matter if there is a ring on someone's finger or not, they're engaged. So it drives me out of my senses when people have their whole wedding already planned, yet they still have some cutesy proposal and tell everyone that they are then engaged. Let me say it again: ring ≠ engaged. Deciding to get married = engaged. And when I ask people why they bother with a proposal if they already know they're getting married, they say something like, "it's the principle of it" or "it's tradition." No. No. No. No. No. The actual principle of a PROPOSal is to PROPOSE the prospect of marriage...I know, who would have guessed; it's not like that's the exact definition of the word or anything. So basically you're making a joke of the proposal by not actually proposing anything and just doing it to set up a nice Facebook post for your friends.
And people say, "Well I'm not gonna spend all that money on a ring if there's a chance she will say no." To which I say, "Well maybe if you would date longer than two months, you'd feel more certain about your relationship and where it's heading." These rules go together. The reason people feel the need to decide to get married before proposing is because they've only been dating for a week and a half, and they know that that's absolutely insane, so they need to make sure the other person is also certifiably crazy before they fork out some thousands of dollars on an engagement ring. I also just think people are becoming cowards and don't know how to take risks without knowing the outcome. So stop being babies. Of course you can talk about marriage before getting engaged, but if you have agreed that you are definitely getting married, set a date, made plans, or anything like this, you're engaged. So after that, don't fill my feed with some ridiculous fake proposal that has zero emotion in it because both people already knew they were getting married and don't expect me to be all excited when you show me a ring on your finger even though you've really been engaged for a month already. #oynaf
Maybe I'm just a traditionalist when it comes to this, but if a guy gets down on one knee with a ring, I want to feel the excitement, the love, the overwhelming joy, the surprise; I don't want to smile because my already fiancé is presenting me with a gift, because that's what it is, a gift presented on one knee. If I know we're getting married, it's no longer a proposal, he's not proposing anything, it's a presentation, he's presenting me with a diamond ring. So any emotion I would have would be purely about getting a fancy ring.
And if you're worried about planning the wedding, here's an idea: maybe you could be engaged for longer than a month. Or make a Pinterest board, then you can have your whole wedding planned before you even start dating someone. Problem solved. You're welcome.
Well there you have it. Those are (some of) my thoughts on marriage.
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